Don't I deserve love?
by captainhookswan
Summary: When Freya died, did Merlin REALLY  get over her death.  Or did he become the evil that the dragon did not forsee?


***Disclaimer*- I don't own Merlin or anything related to it. I am just a hopeless fan trying to entertain some readers.**

Merlin sighed as Morgana strolled by him. Her forest green dress flew in the wind, making her look like royalty. Which, evidently; she was. Her long, wavy black hair reached the middle of her back, and her light blue eyes were intoxicating. She was beautiful. Then he saw Gwen. Gwen who was the exact opposite of Morgana. Instead of green, Gwen had on a purple flowered dress. Instead of long black hair, she had medium brown hair, that was pulled back in a bun. Instead of light pale skin, Gwen was dark, like cocoa. No intoxicating, mysterious eyes were peering at him, instead there was chocolate brown eyes that were laughing at him.

Morgana and Gwen were beautiful, but Merlin was afraid he could never talk to them. For Arthur had Gwen, and Morgana was too close to the king for a servant like him. He was a nobody, a laughingstock. Merlin wondered why _he _couldn't get a girl…. Then he thought of Freya. Freya, with her medium black hair, and sky blue eyes. Eyes that could pull a man in and make him swoon. Like Merlin had done. He had loved her, and she him. Then he was touched by the cruel judgment of life and death. For death took her away, like the evil it is. He had lain where she had fallen and sobbed, trying to bring her back. But it was no use. She was gone, and so was Merlin's heart.

He had taken her to a lake, and had lain her fragile body in a wooden canoe. Then he pushed it out into the water, crying as her sleeping form floated away from him. He had spoken a few words and had held his hand out. He could feel the magic overtaking him, and then flames had sprouted from the canoe, engulfing the beautiful Freya in its jaws. He could still remember the words Freya whispered before she died, "Thank you, for loving me." She had reached out to him and he had taken her hand and held it against his tearstained cheek.

She had smiled at him, before she looked up at the starlit sky, and then her face had frozen, and Merlin knew she would never move again. Her smile, right now, was the only familiar thing to him. He cleared his head of these devastating and disastrous thoughts, but he couldn't help thinking of the girl he had wanted. It was like a mighty hand had taken her, and punched a hole in his heart.

His blood was spilling over him, but no one but Merlin could see it. Merlin walked away from Gwen and Morgana, going back to Gaius and his home. He thought about her all the way to his chambers, then one thought popped into his mind. Don't I deserve love?

He opened the door to see Gaius tapping his foot, arms folded over his chest.

"And where have you been?" Merlin wished Gaius would take that penetrating gaze; that knew so much about him, and throw it away. Merlin walked by Gaius, ignoring him. Gaius barred his way, glaring at him in a way that only Merlin knew. It meant, 'I know you've got something on your mind. Just tell me' Merlin sighed, then blurted out what had happened with Freya, and that he deserves love too.

Merlin started crying, as he does every time he thinks about her.

"Oh, Merlin." Gaius guided Merlin into a chair, and let Merlin soak his dirty clothes. Gaius knew this would only go away with time.

"Don't you agree, Gaius? Don't you think I need love?"

Gaius looked down at the young boy, and nodded.

"I believe everyone deserves love."

"Merlin!" Merlin knew that voice. It was the voice of the man he disliked and his master. "Coming!" Merlin called then whispered to Gaius, "I can't face him now! He'll see my tears, and think I'm a girl's petticoat!" Gaius laughed and steered Merlin to the door. "I'm. Not. Going." groaned Merlin as he tried to force Gaius backward. But because of Merlin's grief, Gaius was stronger. Soon, Merlin was ushered out the door. He sighed, and thought once more of Freya.

"MERlin!"

Arthur, Merlin thought. What. A. Prat. But Freya was cleared from his thoughts as he made towards his master's voice.


End file.
